Coulda Woulda Shoulda: If Wishes Were Horses, Hillary Would Win the Derby
Barbara Streisand, at a recent performance in Brooklyn, paid tribute to Hillary Clinton and shared her dreams of the New Camelot that would have replaced the Evil America being rebuilt by Donald Trump and his legions of straight white males. Speaking of a recent interview with Hillary, Streisand added that it “makes us yearn for what could have been, what should have been. I was thrilled to hear yourself describe yourself as an activist citizen and part of the resistance.”
Streisand as political commentator is a satirist’s dream come true. At the age of 75, herself, she actually had the chutzpah to deride the 70 year old Trump as an old man. The poor lady needs one of those make-up mirrors—the kind that allow you to see your open pores and the scars left by even the most successful reconstructive surgery. But let us give the devil its due: Many Americans really are yearning “for what could have been, what should have been, and this influential group obviously includes the federal judges who do not allow law, the Constitution, common sense, or honesty to get in their way of blocking Trump’s agenda at every term.
So, I have decided, for so long as the subject interests me or some of the readers, I am going to start harping on this theme of “what could have been, what should have been.” Perhaps it will calm down one or two of the Trumpists who have turned against him because, as it turned out, not only is he a political narcissist—who didn’t know that?—but also a political realist playing for the first time in the big league sandbox.
As I was scratching out this introduction, a bit of urban slang from the 90’s passed through my lint-attracting mind: Coulda Woulda Shoulda, a phrase used to ridicule anyone who moons over about impossible might-have-beens and trivial used-to-be’s.
If Hillary had been elected, think of all the no-talent Hollywood fundraisers—led by Babs herself—who would have made the inauguration the glittering exercise in vulgarity that the past three presidents created. We all have our own list, but I’d be hoping for Alec Baldwin, Stephen Colbert, and Bill Maher, to say nothing of the crown prince of Scientology, Tom Cruise, and both sides of the Brangelina creature, reunited temporarily for the momentous occasion: the inauguration of the first woman to have her finger on the nuclear button. This coulda woulda shoulda been quite a thrill, since Ms Clinton used to insist that the USA has an obligation to go around the war looking for scarves to tear off the heads of oppressed women and oppressive husbands to murder.
In the past 100 years, there have been very few wars we should not have been better off to have avoided. If we have to go and knock off a thug, however, we should start with North Korea or Iran, two countries that have repeatedly insulted us and abused our trust. I’d much prefer Trump to back off and resume productive negotiations with the Russians, but, if we had the first technically female president in the history of the universe, she and the Republicans would be teaming up to bomb the Russians out of Ukraine.
Perhaps Hillary could even bring her Republican soulmate, Condoleezza Rice, into the administration. The irrepressible Condy—who certainly bears the most ridiculous first name in the history of American politics—wants to go on the record that she is “appalled by what the Russians did, and we ought to find a way to punish it.” Is this one of those girl-to-girl olive branches?
I don’t see why, in this age of business mergers, the Republican and Democratic Parties do not arrange a merger for the sole purpose of hindering the Trump administration. With Condy and Crazy John McCain and Boy Wonder Lindsay joining forces with Crazy Bernie, Hillary, and Nancy, there will be nothing to prevent them from establishing their 1000 year Reich. Nothing, apart, from human reality,