THE ‘RONA REACTION (“Keeping Everyone Safe”)

I used to consider the practice of what is absurdly called “Daylight Saving Time” to be the premiere example of the gullibility of mankind. Then came the reaction to Covid (or, as we call it in Alabama, “The Rona”). Covid coyly told DST, “Hold my beer.”

To borrow from Forrest Gump, I’m not a smart man. I do not claim to be a medical expert, or a scientist, or a physician. I believe the virus is a real thing. I consider myself neither a conspiracy theorist nor a coincidence theorist. But God did give me a brain, with which I have striven to use to be a critical thinker. Would to God more people would use theirs for such things rather than, say, a support for a backward baseball cap for some thirty-something desperately trying to convince folks he’s still cool. 

Many of us would be much more apt to follow the rules set forth on these Covid guidelines if they just made sense. That’s really all we ask to give them a fair shake. If the powers that be cannot or will not go to the trouble of having them make sense, then we’re out. You can take your sensationalized propaganda and shove it. 

For example…

My oldest son plays varsity basketball. To “keep everyone safe” (a phrase that I have heard so often with this mess that I have to suppress the urge to punch in the face whoever is uttering it) they have done away with the opening tipoff. The visiting team is now just given possession of the ball. Yet, the ten players on the court spend the next couple of hours all over each other competing in the game without face diapers (also referred to as “masks”). Unless, of course, they come to sit on the bench, where they are then required to put on a face diaper, even though they are no longer in contact with anyone. The coaches are required to diaper up, too, even though they are in no contact with anyone, since shaking hands with the referees and opposing coaches is forbidden. 

Oh, and if the basketball accidentally makes its way to the stands, and a nasty fan actually touches it (“UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!”), then the ball is seized and taken off the premises. A new, “sanitized” ball is then introduced, so we can “keep everyone safe.” Consider, now, that the ball is okay to be touched repeatedly be the ten-to-twenty players on the court at any given time, the coaches, and the three referees. But, if it goes to the stands, well, it must be confiscated and put away forthwith!

Not to be outdone, some restaurants are also “keeping everyone safe.” They must be privy to things the common man and the medical field are not, because they have discovered that The Rona only operates effectively at levels above four feet. So patrons are required to wear face diapers when entering and walking to their tables. Upon being seated, the face diapers can be discarded, since none of the “experts” have configured a way to “safely” consume liquid or put food into one’s mouth while it is covered with cloth. Keep in mind the incoming customers walk within inches of multitudes of other “unmasked,” seated customers. Thank heavens the masterminds among the restauranteurs have burned the midnight oil to find such obviously necessary steps in order to (say it with me) “keep everyone safe.”

As I read on an internet meme a while back, since July 2020 we have gone from “two weeks to flatten the curve” to being told to wear three masks and anal swabs. That same month, our governor here (unaffectionately referred to as “Mee Maw” by her many detractors) made a press conference mandating face diapers for “two weeks” to flatten said curve. Instead of simply saying the diapers will be mandated until further notice, Mee Maw has consistently made a show of it, appearing about every six weeks since, like a nightmarish cross between Norman Bates’s mother and a groundhog, to tell us what we know well in advance she is going to say: She has seen her shadow and we shall now have six more weeks of face diapers. 

A few months back, the groundhog cited the decline in numbers as the reason to keep diapering up. “It’s a pain in the rear — but at the same time, it’s working, and what’s working we need to stick with,”she croaked. A few months later, the “experts” insisted that the numbers were rising, and she used this as justification for seeing her shadow. So, you see, no matter if the Covid numbers are rising, falling, or staying about the same, the answer is always more face diapers. You know, to “keep everyone safe.” 

In order to “keep everyone safe,” some large businesses have restricted exit/entry designations to one door. Ostensibly, this practice is to monitor the number and condition of customers. Yes, this is a brilliant idea. If the intention is to space people out and maintain “social distancing,” it makes perfect sense to restrict the entrances and exits to one door, so all the incoming and outgoing customers can cram into and around it. Seriously, am I the one who has gone completely crazy? 

This reminds me of last year when the state government here shut down many of the their state-controlled liquor store branches in order to “keep everyone safe.” Instead of spreading people out, this caused a tremendous amount of people to congregate at one particular store, where they had to stand in a line that wrapped around the building and into the parking lot. Bravo, safe keepers!

What have we become? Or have we always been so dumb? Assuming at least some of these guidelines are being discussed and contemplated, where is the man in the room with the courage to stand up and say, “Excuse me, but has anyone considered how completely insane this is? Does ‘doing something’ about this virus even need to make sense?” 

I used to wonder which desire was more powerful over mankind, fear or avarice? It seems The Rona Reaction has answered that for us. In their avarice, government and large corporations have used fear to deceive the little man, close small businesses, shut down churches, and make a mockery out of us. 

We are not really this dumb, are we? That reminds me. In a few weeks, we have our semiannual, government-mandated tradition of renaming time, whereby we will take one hour from the morning, attach it to the evening, and pretend like we are “saving daylight.” 

God help us. 

Gov Ivey on extending mask ordinance: https://yellowhammernews.com/kay-ivey-hints-at-mask-ordinance-extension-whats-working-we-need-to-stick-with/

Wal-Marx entry/exit policy: https://corporate.walmart.com/newsroom/2020/04/03/changes-to-our-shopping-process-to-encourage-social-distancing